This could very well be a post about all the remarkable things the Tiger Woods Foundation is doing for children all over the nation–countless scholarships, after-school programs, learning centers for kids that can’t read good and want to learn to do other things good too, but c’mon, if there’s one thing you should know about me its that my mind lives in the sewer. Even as a young boy, I genuinely believed that Joey Gladstone was fucking Becky while Uncle Jesse pursued a dead-end music career. It only made sense. Joey was perpetually unemployed and Jesse’s gigs at the Olive Garden would often run late. Doesn’t take a relationship therapist to make the connection that Joey was sticking his free-loading sausage in Becky while Tanner windexed the stove for the third time in 24 hours. Come on, Joey. Cut. It. Out. Butttt, I digress. Point is, when I stumbled across this seemingly innocent picture of Tiger hanging out with Miss Virginia Latina 2016 at an event for his Foundation (I know you’re not going to click the link, it just makes me feel better about being a dickface), my mind immediately jumped to the same conclusion yours did. Like to think Tiger is completely reformed is lunacy to me. Some tight-assed stiffs in the media nailed him to a cross for being a serial cheater and to think he’s like ‘Oh ok, you guys are right, I’ll put my billion dollar dick away and stop banging girls who wouldn’t look in your direction’ is delusional. Everyone knows a Tiger doesn’t lose sleep over the opinion of sheep. Look at him, he’s still got that eye of the Tiger. Lets dive a little deeper into the life of Agatha Jazmin, Miss Virginia Latina 2016 and evidently a philanthropist.
It was just an innocent picture, Matt. Grow up and put your dick away.