The man controlling that drone deserves a goddamn raise. Because before today, I had no idea who Jess Adams was. Now I’m 64 weeks into her Instagram and if I have one more of these Dos Equis, I may just shoot her a DM that she never asked for. Granted, the dude shattered her face, but bones heal and bruises fade. Sometimes you got to take a flying robot to the face to put yourself on the map. No pain no fame. Maybe if someone drills me in the face with a mini helicopter someone will finally listen to my mixtape. It’s fucking fire. Check it out on MySpace. I’ll also be selling them outside my old high school. I’ll be the dude in the ’85 Mustang rocking my letterman jacket. Find me. Check out the shiner Adams got from the facial.
Now check her out before she was assaulted by the unmanned aerial vehicle.
We all win.