Sara Underwood Topless Holding An Ultimate Warrior Wrestling Buddy Is My Whole Life In One Picture

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Who wants to wrestle? ? @partylikejzl | ? @emilyhachebeauty

A photo posted by Sara Underwood (@saraunderwood) on

There it is. Childhood, adolescence, and adulthood in one glorious snapshot. The Ultimate Warrior wrestling buddy is symbolic of a childhood spent in front of a TV watching muscly men dressed in drag beat the bag out of each other, while the topless girl is a microcosm of an adolescence spent in front of the bra and panties section of my mom’s Macy’s catalog. God I wish I could still turn those pages. Anyhoo, wrestling kind of lost its luster for me when I was old enough to dominate un-staged sports and after I found out Hulk Hogan was a racist shithead and my mom’s magazines became irrelevant when porn. And it’s pretty much been porn in the driver’s seat ever since. I honestly don’t see porn taking its foot off the gas anytime soon either. But good Lord, if there’s a SFW-ish substitute for porn, then Sara Underwood’s Instagram account is the Reduced Fat Cheez-It to PornHub’s Cheez-It.

It’s a h☀️t one today! Dis is how I cool off ? ? @partylikejzl | ? @emilyhachebeauty

A photo posted by Sara Underwood (@saraunderwood) on

No shirt, no shoes, no service ???? ? @stevebitanga | ? @emilyhachebeauty

A photo posted by Sara Underwood (@saraunderwood) on

???? ? by @stevebitanga MU&H @emilyhachebeauty

A photo posted by Sara Underwood (@saraunderwood) on

Off to Hawaii ✋???✋???✋? ? by @stevebitanga MU&H @emilyhachebeauty

A photo posted by Sara Underwood (@saraunderwood) on

Night night ? ? by @stevebitanga MU&H by @emilyhachebeauty

A photo posted by Sara Underwood (@saraunderwood) on

GULP.