Ahh welcome back into our lives Sammi Sweetheart. Last we saw of you, you were threatening to leave the house for the 2,912th time after you caught Ronni (sorry, ‘RAHNI’) telling his mother over the phone, ‘I love you.’ What a two-timing dickface he was. How could he choose the woman who gifted him with the miracle of life over THIS??? Your guess is as good as mine. God damnit, Sammi. I loved you. I loved you for making me feel better about the relationship I was in. But one thing I’ve learned is that if you love someone, let them go. And if they come back hotter, curvier, and less insane, welcome them back into your good graces. And for the LOVE OF GOD, you aged like a fine wine. I can hardly recognize you without makeup running down your face.
Shake it off, Ronnie. Plenty of fish in the sea. P.S. Special shout of to my little brother, Eric, for calling my attention to the new Sammi. I don’t know how he stumbled across this but I’m willing to bet he turned his bedroom into a glazed donut afterwards.