Oh Ren. Where have you gone, my lost lover? You were just one tier below the Topanga Lawrence’s and Kelly Kapowski’s on my childhood crush list. You were strong but fair with the pesky Louis Stevens and I admired that about you. Sure, the braces were a little distracting, but in my view, that wasn’t a flaw, just an endearing idiosyncrasy. Although we’ve taken different paths in life, thank you for being a formative force in shaping my sexuality. Here you are, at 31-years of age, rocking the shit out of some lingerie. Give me a call if your happy marriage turns south. I’m sure I’ll still be cold and alone. Babe. Babe.