Today we’re going to talk a little bit about sex. And not just sex, we’re going to take a look at ‘Sex FAILs’, or the most embarrassing sex stories to ever happen. In a recent thread a whole bunch of people opened up to share their most embarrassing sexual debacles, and they’ve got me thinking about just how quickly things can go wrong in the heat of the moment. You’re inches from some chick, naked, and a deadly fart leaks out with a noxious odor so bad it could peel the paint off walls. These are memories that can keep you up at night either laughing your ass off or wondering where it all went wrong (depending on how things went afterwards). And these are the types of stories we’ll see below, so let’s get started…By the way, some of these are pretty NSFW by nature even if they’re just stories, so you should know what you’re getting yourself into before reading. (via AskReddit )
I had been dating this girl who loved derogatory dirty talk. She always wanted me to call her a slut etc during the action. We dated for years, it basically became part of my routine. First partner afterwards:
“Yeah, you’re daddy’s little slut!”
“What the fuck did you just say????”
Hello darkness my old friend….
my buddy was with a girl that was more experienced than him. mid coitus she got a little dry and told him to spit on her. he, not knowing what she meant but trying to oblige her, hocked a fat loogie and spit it on her chest.
Slowdownthere 3157 points 19 hours ago
Gf farted while going at it, I knew she was embarrassed so I let one rip too. Hers didn’t smell. Mine was so bad she started gagging.
i pulled out, hastily flung the condom off my member, and came on her face. i hadn’t had much sex experience, but since it was common in porn, i just thought that’s what you were supposed to do. afterwards, i got slapped, and that girl still hasn’t talked to me since that day.
Cue my first boyfriend fingering me and then saying, “Wow… you sound like mac and cheese.”
Was 69’ing a girl, and she readjusted so her anus was on my mouth instead. She had recently showered, and hairless, so I had no reason to object. Here we go giving my first ever rimjob.
She gets pretty into it. Stopped going down on me because she couldn’t keep it together. Then, out of nowhere…
Yep. That was a fart. Didn’t even need to taste it to know. She immediately catapulted off of me and rolled to the other side of the bed. So horrified and embarrassed that she started crying, and trying to apologize through the tears.
Me? I thought it was fucking hilarious. I couldn’t stop laughing, but I’m sure that didn’t help with her crying at all. She just lost control of herself on the edge of an orgasm was all, can’t blame her.
She calmed down after about 5 minutes and we restarted the action. No more tongue punching the fart-box, though. At least not that day.
Was doing butt stuff with an ex GF. It was my first time using anal beads and had no idea what I was doing.
Once I had shoved all the beads up there she told me to pull them out and being the nervous inexperienced guy that I was I ended up yanking them out like I was starting a lawnmower.
She screamed and jumped so hard I thought she was going to hit the ceiling and ended up leaving a major fecal disaster all over my bed. Seriously massive amounts of lube infused poo covered me and my bed and carpet.
She waddled over to the restroom clenching her newly prolapsed anus and I awkwardly tried to console her painful sobbing from the other side of the door for almost an hour.
We didn’t stay together long after that.
My baby sister walked in on my girlfriend and I having sex. My mom had send her to wake us up for breakfast. This caught my girlfriend off guard, and she kinda screamed, bringing my mom to the room. After she realized what my sister walked in on, she tried to take her out of the room. But my sister got curious…and my mom had me explain to her the birds and the bees. When I mentioned the, it’s something that two people in love do, my sister asked, “Since I love you, and you love me, can we do that too?!”…..
I dated a girl all through high school. Our junior year together, on her birthday, she said she wanted to try oral (as in receiving). Being the horny teen I was, I was totally into it. That night it started out as her on her back, but she enjoyed it so much it progressively led to face sitting. After about 5 minutes of her on top of my face i noticed her vagina started tasting weird and really really wet. I asked if everything was ok and as she looked down she screamed. At first I thought she had her period on my face, then realized she rode my face so aggressively that my nose was gushing blood. 10/10 would suffocate in cooch again
Girl was on top of me, she got off me right as I was about to cum, the cum shoots out and lands right between my eyes. Gave myself a facial.
First time sleeping with a girl I had pursued for ages.
Farted at point of climax. I had no ability to stop. They stunk, too
This guy wanted to come over late one night and I said he only could if he brought pizza. He follows through and brings pizza with hot pepper flakes on it which are my favorite.
Anyway, after eating a slice each we are making out on the couch and decide to move toward the bedroom. His hands are all over me when all of a sudden my vagina is on fire–my first thought was that I spontaneously contracted an std.
After running to the bathroom and running cold water all over my lady parts I realized he never washed his hands after eating eating the pizza WITH HOT PEPPER FLAKES. I yelled at him about it, but we had a good laugh after.
So, my wife and I work opposite shits and hardly saw each other for a while. I had managed to “hold out” and not jerk off for almost 2 weeks. Both managed to be at home at the same time for once and were furiously going at it, her on top. Our bed room door was closed, we were just on top of the bed. We hear the front door open and her sister called out that she was there. Wife did not want to stop and kept going. Sister opened our bedroom door and my wife rolled off me just as I came. I came a LOT. With great fury. Probably an all time distance record. Hands free. With her sister staring in disbelief as a volcano of semen spurted forth from my penis. She was too shocked to shut the door. We all just started laughing.
Not me but an acquaintance:
Nerdy guy in college never had a sexual experience beyond the palm of his hand. Went to a big ol’ party kegger at a co-op where a similar and equally nerdy girl with a similar track record.
Well, hosts at the party picked up on it and granted them both a quiet room on an upper level off limits to the main party. Condoms and lube were provided and after about 5 minutes a few of us snuck/sneaked up to the landing on the steps beside the room.
After about 10 minutes of us beaming proudly and holding back from listening in on the door, the door flew open and out came our nerdy guy running like hell, half naked and covered in something. He made it to the bathroom and proceeded to puke and gag and took off for the dorms.
Female friends of the nerdy girl entered the room and that was that until the next morning.
Nerdy guy, who is probably still traumatized from this experience, explained what occurred: he went down on nerdy girl as a gentleman does when one knows he won’t last more than what is a laughable increment of time. While down, between nerdy girls thighs, she shifted to a more comfortable position and let loose a fart, a fart so impactful that it shot a lone kernal of corn out of her shooter and through his puckered lips and smack into the middle back of his throat. She then threw up on him and he threw up on/in her lap.
TL;DR: Guy goes down on girl for first sexual experience. Girl sharts a corn kernal into his mouth and both puke instantaneously.
Let’s see… I was dating this very nice lady in college. She was home schooled her parents were really religious but she was gorgeous so I figured why not date her? It’s college everyone will believe we had sex even if we didn’t. Turns out she’s a freak. So we were having sex on night in my dorm room and I’m behind her she’s bent over head in the pillow muffling her screams, i’m about to cum and boom my roommate walks in. I slip out but mid hump and as I cum. So my penis slides up her butt and I cum in my own eye. It burned like a motherfucker. So I start screaming, she’s mortified. She doesn’t know why I’m screaming and my roommate is standing there at the door laughing his ass off.
I couldn’t believe it and a couple weeks later she broke up with me because she couldn’t stand seeing my roommate because she still kept up super religious appearances.
So I used to use a neti-pot – one of those things where you basically pour water in one nostril and it comes out the other to help wash your sinuses out. Anyway so I did that and I guess not all the water came out. We started having sexy time with me on top, and all of a sudden a gush of water came out my nose all over her face. It was A LOT of water, didn’t realize how much could stay in there. She was pretty grossed out, but we finished and laughed about it.
I dated a girl who would get really pissed if I came in her mouth. One night she was down town and said “don’t come in my mouth, ok?” So like the gentleman I am I obliged and totally came in her mouth. She was super pissed and wouldn’t talk to me for like an hour. Finally I said I was sorry and leaned over to kiss her…and she spit it in my mouth. She had been holding it in there just waiting. It was gross but I had to give her credit for that one.
Last but not least, this dude is much more open-minded than I’ll ever be, that’s all I can say right here…
My EX was really into ass play and I’m pretty experimental by nature so I figured I would indulge her fantasy. We go out to an adult toy store and get an anal vibrator then proceed home for sexy time. As we’re fooling around she starts to play with my taint and is really enjoying it; I’m desperately trying to not laugh because it tickled. The sexy times continue and she proceeds to pull out the vibrator and begins to lube it up as she performs fellatio. The moment of truth arrives and she slowly begins to slide the vibrator into my ass until the entire toy has set up camp next to my prostate. She flips the switch, not realizing it is set to high. I immediately throw my face into my pillow to stifle the laughter I’m experiencing which is only made worse by her repeated use of the phrase “You like that??”. She yanks away the pillow to look lustfully into my eyes only to find me laughing like a fucking mad man with tears streaming down my face, completely ruining her fetish forever.
tl;dr GF wanted to try some ass play and I completely ruined her fetish forever by laughing until I cried.
Mine? I have a broken blood vessel somewhere in my nose. I was going to get it cauterized a few years ago but the nose doctor said there was no guarantee it would even work. I’ve dealt with this my entire life, whenever I go from really humid climates to super dry climates on vacation I’ll usually get at least one nosebleed…Cue the mid-coitus nosebleed all over my new gf’s face and chest because it was so hot that nobody knew what was happening until it was late…Good times. And if you want to keep reading sex stories like this there are a lot more over on the AskReddit thread, and you can see all of them by CLICKING HERE . Changing gears a little bit, I want to make sure that ALL OF YOU know about the all new CoreBoobs iOS app that was launched last week. It’s 100% free to download and it’s the latest/greatest way to get all of your CoreBoobs content, so DOWNLOAD IT FOR FREE BY CLICKING HERE!