As men, it’s easy to convince ourselves that each of us is the ultimate sex machine and every other shriveled, cheese-smelling penis in the universe and beyond pales in comparison. The mere thought of our girlfriends’ experiencing a better sexcapade than us flopping on top of them for a forgettable 4 minutes is simply too much for our psyches to bare. System overload. As far as we’re willing to let ourselves believe, we are the perfect mix of Ryan Reynolds, Lexington Steele, and Jesus in the bedroom. And make no mistake, Jesus fucked like an escaped prisoner at a brothel. But that’s just in our heads. Both of them. In reality, our girls’ have probably had better lovers than us. It’s statisdicks. Just because she told you you’re the best she’s had, doesn’t mean she means it. That means as much as you telling her mother that you love her dry meatloaf when she asks at the dinner table. It’s courtesy. Neither of your meatloaves are all they’re cracked up to be. So when London-based sex and relationship blogger Oloni urged her 14,000 Twitter followers to send in their “hoe stories” so she could share them anonymously, many delivered. This candid sex experience discussion caused some dudes to develop a crippling sense of paranoia. Some dudes did not appreciate learning that girls do exactly what we do. While you girls are having unprotected sex outside of marriage like heathens, us bros are eating, sleeping, and reading the Bible. Because you have turned down our advances to fuck.