Beyonce is the hottest woman on the planet and it’s not even close. Ya, you may be able to make a case physically for other A-listers, but anyone who isn’t a mouth-breather and understands that the sole criteria for hotness isn’t just wearing a bikini on Instagram and amassing a lot of followers, would agree that Beyonce belongs on the tallest podium. A goddamn national treasure. The ultimate cornucopia of all that is sexy. A pop star, a cultural icon, a body that looks like it was built in a lab, and skin that makes silk look porous. When was the last time you masturbated to Beyonce? Oh, you never have? Of course you haven’t, because even suspending reality to unthinkable extremes won’t let you imagine a scenario where you’d deserve her. You are not worthy. I certainly am not worthy. She’s in a league of her own. A living legend. And we’re all witnesses. No idea what exercise this is, but I’m doing three sets of 12 at the gym tonight.