Pippa Middleton, long the second-most attractive but first-most available member of the Middleton family, is no longer available. Not that, when she was single, you had a shot, but you thought you had a shot. Now, you definitely don’t, because she is engaged to financier James Matthews. These fancy ass fuckers always marry rich. You’d never hear about Pippa Middleton marrying a blogger. No. She has to marry someone who can afford nice pants. Fucking bullshit. (Also not to insult her attractiveness by calling her second best. Both Middletons are gorgeous. Just, you can’t compare to Kate. No one can). Matthews surprised Pippa with a proposal over the weekend. After, they issued a statement announcing the enngagement. Of course, the last wedding we all remember Pippa attending was royal one, which, well, let me jog your memory. Wonder if she’ll use butt implants in her wedding, too.