We really need to stop calling these intentional acts of genitalia spilling out as “wardrobe malfunctions.” Call it what it is: “I want attention so I’m going to purposely wear clothing that allows my tits and birth canal to get exposed so my name gets in the press.” On a night of Hollywood celebrities desperately seeking attention, one actress tried her darndest to get noticed by showing the world her bearded oyster. Blanca Blanco (Naming your child where the first name is only one vowel different than the last name should be some sort of child abuse) was walking the red carpet at the 89th Academy Awards. If you’re not familiar with Blanca Blanco, you are not alone. She is so unfamous that she doesn’t even have her own Wikipedia page. Even “ toilet paper orientation ” has its own Wikipedia page. I’m still trying to understand how she even got into the Oscars. Was it for her roles in big cinematic hits such as “ Teen Star Academy,” Beverly Hills Christmas,” and “Bermuda Tentacles ?” Any hooters. Blanca purposely wore a dress that had a slit that went up to her belly button and she didn’t wear any panties. She modeled her revealing dress in many ways until the point that her smush mitten was exposed in front of the hordes of international press covering the event. OOPSIES!!! You can see the uncensored clam shot here . She took a page out of Chrissy Teigen’s playbook of having her meat curtains fly in the wind . I guess I can’t poke too much fun at her because I fell into Blanca Blanco’s trap. I had no idea who she was until 14 minutes ago. Now here I am writing about her. You win this round actress who’s name is a color in Spanish and a Street Fighter character.